A Husband for Christmas Read online

  This was the part I’d dreaded. Talking about Thomas again. It hurt so much. Knowing he was gone forever depressed me, and filled me with an ache that had no cure. “I’m not looking for love because I had someone who can’t be replaced. Ever.”

  “They died?” he asked quietly.

  “Yes. Thomas died twenty years ago.”

  Shock fluttered across his features. “I’m so sorry.” He sounded sincere, and his mouth turned down as he spoke. “That’s awful.”

  I clenched my jaw, not wanting to look pathetic by showing too much emotion. “We were best friends growing up. Best friends and eventually lovers. No one ever knew or understood me like Thomas. We were inseparable; soul-mates. I’m sure you can see why no one could ever replace him.”

  “I suppose not.” He frowned. “So… you’ve been alone for two decades?”

  “Not alone. There have been a few people over the years. But it wasn’t for anything personal. Just biological need.”

  “Right.” He nodded, looking puzzled.

  I didn’t like that he looked uneasy. “But now it’s either have a kid, or let my family name die off.” I sighed. “Unfortunately, my mother reminds me of that fact every time I see her.”

  “Ahhh.” He smiled.

  “I’m the last of our line. It’s a huge responsibility.”

  “Of course.” He dropped his gaze, wrinkling his forehead. “I’m surprised you’d want to take a chance with an older omega… like me.”

  “I’ve seen your medical history. You’re in perfect health and fertile. Besides, I think someone your age can understand feeling pressured to do something for reasons other than romantic love. Younger omegas have stars in their eyes.”

  He winced. “True enough.”

  I sipped my drink, waiting for him to speak. I knew he must have a lot of questions.

  “You could go the surrogate route.”

  He glanced up warily. “I want the omega I choose to be here to help raise the kids. I would prefer it to be more of a family atmosphere for the children.”

  “Oh.” He frowned. “A family atmosphere where their parents are business partners.”

  I blew out an impatient breath. “You wouldn’t punch a time clock, Rider. We’d be a family.”

  “A family with no love.”

  “The kids would be loved.”

  “Yes.” He nodded, slowly. “And you said we’d hopefully be friends. Companions.”

  “Yes. I can admit I get lonely sometimes. But no one can ever replace Thomas. There’s no point in pretending I could ever love like that again.” My voice cracked, and I scowled. “But I’d take care of you. You’d be my omega.”

  “Sounds more like I’d be your fuck buddy.”

  I scowled. “That’s a crude way to put it.”

  “Don’t see any point in sugar coating it.”

  “Well, I don’t see it like you. If you really examine any long, successful relationship, in the end, it’s really all about the bond and the companionship. Passion fades eventually, and what’s left is that foundation of affection and friendship.”

  “I guess.”

  “You know I’m right. I’m not saying that there wouldn’t still be attraction, but that’s not the focus. No, as you age it’s about growing old together; not being alone.”

  He didn’t look completely convinced, but he didn’t argue either. Instead, he glanced around the room with a dubious expression. “Hmmm. If I can accept that promise of a passionless future, I guess the next question is, can I see myself living here?”

  I followed his uncertain gaze as it traveled over the bulky antique furniture and the ornate brass mirror that hung over the fireplace. I was so used to the dated decor, I barely noticed it anymore. “We could always redecorate… if that’s something that would make you feel more at home.” I think I was as shocked as him when I suggested that. But I wanted him to say yes. There was something about Rider I suspected I could connect to, given time. Not to mention, I hated the idea of interviewing more omegas. I already found him physically attractive, and it would be nice to just stop the process, and get on with the business of having a baby.

  “Really?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Sure. I’d be fine if you wanted to redecorate.”

  “You wouldn’t mind if I wanted to modernize the place a little?” he looked unsure.

  “Of course not. If you agree to this proposal, this would be your home. I’d want you to feel comfortable here.”

  “That’s very generous of you.”

  I shrugged. “It makes sense that you’d want to put your stamp on the place. I assume it’s all a part of nesting, right?”

  His gaze was bright. “Probably.”

  “Then I’d have no issue with it.”

  He rubbed his chin, studying me. “And you seriously think that I’d be a good fit for you?”

  Running my gaze over his body, I swallowed hard as lust nudged me. I didn’t want love, but I still had needs. “I do, yes.” I’d be able to breed him, there was no doubt about that. Wasn’t that the point? I needed to pick a mate who tempted me, and made me hunger for him physically.

  He flushed at my intense scrutiny. “Am I allowed to think about this for a few days?”

  Of course we both needed to think about this. It was a big decision. But I found myself worried he might change his mind if he had too much time to examine this unorthodox arrangement. However, he was right, we needed to think long and hard about this. I smiled agreeably. “Sure. Take the week to make your decision.”

  He seemed relieved at my response. “Okay. Should I call you, or Mrs. Littlebottom with my decision?”

  “Either. Whichever makes you more comfortable.” I hoped I sounded nonchalant. I was annoyed I didn’t actually feel nonchalant. I felt strangely invested in his decision. Perhaps it was just that my ego was involved. It would be a blow to my pride if he rejected me.

  “If we move forward with this, how soon would it happen?”

  “I’d want you moved in before Christmas.”

  He raised his brows. “That’s fast.”

  “Things move faster when feelings aren’t involved.”

  He stood. “Yeah, emotions have a way of complicating things.”

  I smiled. “I’m pleased you get it.”

  He shifted uneasily, and his cheeks tinted pink. “I have a question.”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s kind of a crass question.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “Would we… fuck just to have kids, or other times too?” He held my gaze, although he looked embarrassed. “I just want to know what to expect, so I can make an informed decision.”

  “It’s a fair question.” I hoped I didn’t sound too eager. “It wouldn’t just have to be about having kids. We could have sex when one of us needs that.”

  “Okay.”

  I could smell his arousal, and that gave me hope. If he found me attractive, that might be enough to push him into signing on the dotted line. “I’d give you time to get used to the idea. I wouldn’t jump you the day you moved in.”

  His laugh was stiff. “This is so damn awkward.”

  I laughed too. “Yeah, it is. But I think it could work. We could both get what we need, and I think we could be happy. Happy enough.”

  “Happy enough, huh? When I pictured my future, ‘happy enough’ wasn’t what I was shooting for.” He frowned, and looked away.

  Was he thinking about the alpha who’d left him? My stomach tensed because I didn’t want his residual feelings for that other alpha to derail this plan. I’d love for everything to be settled and in motion by the new year. I had a feeling I’d enjoy Rider’s company. Whoever I picked would be in my home every day, and that could either be horrible or nice. I felt like having Rider around might be on the nice side, and I really hoped he’d say yes to this idea.

  “It’s a good opportunity for you. For both of us.” I tried to smile reassuringly.

  “Yeah,”
he said quietly. “Well, I guess I should be going.”

  “Sure. You have a lot to think about.” I followed him out of the library, and to the front door. I opened the door for him, and inched closer, studying his reaction as I neared. “This sort of opportunity doesn’t come along every day.”

  “I know.” At my closer proximity, he sounded breathless, and the pulse at the base of his neck beat swiftly.

  I liked knowing I affected him physically. It was even a bit of a turn on. “Try to be logical about your decision, Rider. If you agree to do this, you’d be taken care of financially for the rest of your life.”

  “True.”

  For some bizarre reason, I also added, “And I’m a good lover. You’d be satisfied sexually.”

  He gave a sharp intake of breath.

  Feeling stupid, and like I’d gone too far, my face was hot as I said, “I just mean, if that helps you make your decision.”

  What the fuck is wrong with me?

  He laughed weakly. “I will definitely factor that in.”

  I didn’t watch him walk to his car, feeling as if I’d already seemed way too desperate. I closed the door and leaned against it. I wasn’t comfortable feeling like Rider had all the power. But in this moment, he kind of did. I’d already expressed I wanted to do this with him. Now it was all up to him. Had I freaked him out by mentioning sex at the last second? Jesus, why had I done that? Probably because realizing he could be my future omega had roused something inside me. The minute I’d decided he would be a good match for me, I’d started to feel a little greedy. Which was stupid because he still had to agree. I knew these possessive feelings were simply my alpha instincts kicking in, but I still didn’t like it. Business partners didn’t act like that, so I needed to relax.

  If Rider agreed to be my omega, I’d have to be careful not to move too quickly to get him into bed. I’d have to take my time with him. I could sense he wouldn’t be pushed. He knew the score; his purpose in my life was to have my kids, but I still needed to treat him with respect. He’d be my omega, not my whore. If he agreed to be mine, we’d be trying to build a happy home together, and that didn’t happen if one of the partners felt used.

  A pang of guilt hit me as I thought of Thomas. He was who I should have been building a family with. Our children would have been beautiful if they’d gotten his red hair and blue eyes. But he was gone, and I didn’t get to have that with him. That realization left a bitter taste in my mouth, but if I didn’t move forward and have a child, the Hamilton name would die with me. Rider was good enough. He was attractive and healthy. Our offspring would be quality stock, and that was important for the Hamilton’s.

  I sighed, stuffing down the restlessness at the idea that I had to wait for Rider’s decision. This was going to be a long week.

  Chapter Three

  Rider

  You’ll be satisfied sexually.

  I shivered as the memory of Jax’s words came to me. He’d been attracted to me; I’d known that right away. But the fact he’d been so willing to show me that had been confusing, mostly because he’d stressed this was all business. Although, to be fair, he’d also said he wanted us to be friends and companions. Maybe that was his way of showing he meant that. I groaned, feeling as confused now as when I’d left his house three days ago.

  “Mr. Jones?” The impatient voice of one of my students broke into my thoughts.

  I glanced up to find Harold Marigold standing in front of my desk, holding out his paper. “Oh, thanks.” I grabbed the sheet from him, feeling embarrassed. I had to focus on my job better, this was getting ridiculous. Every day, all day, I stared into space, trying to figure out if being claimed by Jax was the best thing for me. It would solve my immediate problems, but did I really want to spend my life in a loveless relationship?

  “Mr. Jones?” Harold muttered again, wrinkling his freckled forehead.

  Jesus, focus.

  I sat up, and cleared my throat. “That’s perfect. I’ll look this over and give grades out on Friday.”

  He crossed his arms, as if he wasn’t letting me off the hook that easily. “As requested, I did my very best to analyze the role and development of the visual arts, in past and present cultures, noting human diversity as it relates to the visual arts.”

  “Excellent.” I smiled pleasantly.

  “I also plan on turning in some extra credit assignments.”

  “Sounds good.”

  He sighed. “I really need an A in this class.”

  Sympathy nudged me. I knew the poor kid didn’t have the best home life, and was probably desperate for some encouragement. “I’m sure you’ll do very well. You always put a ton of effort into all your work, Harold, and it shows.”

  Tension seemed to leave his face. “You really think so?”

  “Yes. Your papers are always excellent.”

  “I try.” He moved toward the door. “See you tomorrow Mr. J.”

  I waved and set his paper on the pile of other papers. I needed to get my ass in gear if I was going to get all these assignments graded by Friday. There was a knock on the door jamb, and I glanced up to find my bestie, and fellow teacher, Tania, entering my classroom.

  She had a container of red and green Christmas cookies, and she lifted the lid as she perched on the edge of my desk. “Want one?” She bit into a cookie, winking at me.

  I helped myself to a red cookie and sighed. “Why do my students never give me treats?”

  “I guess my students love me more.”

  I laughed and took a big bite, enjoying the sugary frosting. I don’t think I’d realized how hungry I was, until I took that first bite. I proceeded to devour two more cookies, as Tania watched me with a smile.

  “So what have you decided?” she asked casually.

  Tania was the only person I’d told about the proposed arrangement between Jax and me. Not that there was anyone else to tell. I was an only child, and my parents had died years ago. I had to wonder what my parents would have thought about this idea. Would they have encouraged me to go with the security Jax offered, or would they have wanted me to hold out for love? One thing was for sure, they’d disliked my ex Dale. I myself was close to hating him, although it was harder for me because I’d also loved him once. Tania hated him unapologetically.

  “I still haven’t made up my mind.”

  “Is that why you’re eating cookies like a maniac?” She grinned. “Are you stress eating?”

  “Maybe. That and I didn’t have lunch.” I stood, grabbing the stack of papers I needed to grade, and shoving them into my briefcase. “It’s not an easy decision.”

  “I know.”

  “You still won’t tell me what you think I should do?”

  She lifted one brow. “And have you blame me for the rest of your life if I get it wrong? No way.”

  “I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “You wouldn’t be able not to. Besides, I’d blame myself.” She slid off my desk, her heels clacking on the linoleum.

  “I need guidance from my best friend.” We headed to the door.

  “This is all on you.” She went out first, and I locked the door behind us. “This is either a wonderful opportunity, or the worst mistake of your life.”

  “Geez, no pressure.”

  She laughed. “I want you happy. Whatever that looks like, I’ll support you.”

  We left the building and headed for the parking lot. “If he were ugly and smelled weird, this decision would be so much easier.”

  “Sure. But he isn’t ugly and he doesn’t smell.”

  “Nope.” I smiled sheepishly. “He’s sexy AF.”

  “I wish you had a picture of him.”

  “I didn’t think to snap one while I was there,” I said wryly. “You could probably Google him. His family does all those boring fundraiser things. There are probably tons of pictures of him on the internet.” I unlocked my car with a beep.

  “Why didn’t I think of that?” She grabbed her phone and started
scrolling through menus. She frowned. “Jax Hamilton, correct?”

  “Yep.”

  She frowned. “That can’t be right. This guy is like eighty-years-old.”

  I laughed. “He’s not eighty.”

  “Oh, that was Jax Hamilton, the grandfather.” She grinned. “That’s a relief. Those sperm would be mummified by now.”

  “Pfft.” I shook my head. “No, Jax is in his prime.” I shivered when I thought about how he’d looked at me toward the end of our meeting. He hadn’t bothered hiding his attraction, and that was kind of exciting.

  She whistled. “Oh, shit. This is the guy?” She looked up and held out her phone.

  I nodded when I caught a glimpse of Jax in a tux. “God, he looks good in that suit.”

  “Wow. Hubba. Hubba.” She snorted. “He’s fucking gorgeous.”

  “I know. That’s part of the problem. I’d love to sleep with him, but does that mean I want to have his kids and be with him forever?”

  She licked her lips. “Maybe.”

  “I thought you didn’t have an opinion on the matter.”

  She grinned. “Well, I hadn’t seen him yet.”

  “His looks aren’t enough. There’s a lot to consider. I’m not sure I’m made to live without love. I’m not sure being friends and lovers is enough for me.”

  “But you do need to have a kid soon; if you’re going to have one.”

  “Yes.” Frustration prickled at me.

  She studied me. “You could wait. Gamble. Another alpha might come along who you could fall for.”

  I nodded, leaning against my car. “And if no one comes along? Or if they don’t want me back? Then I could end up alone and childless.”

  “Yes.” She frowned. “It’s a risk.”

  I groaned. “I know I should be more grateful I have this option. A month ago everything looked pretty hopeless.”

  She pressed her lips together, looking sympathetic. “A week for a decision this big doesn’t seem long enough.”

  Pushing away from the car, I opened the door. “I know. But something tells me Jax won’t wait any longer than that. He wants to get this all signed and sealed by Christmas.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know.”